Full Episode Transcript

Dr. Ashley Blackington (00:00.782)

Hello and welcome back to the AND/BOTH podcast. This week is a solo episode. I know we've strung together a few guests over the holiday period and since we've started, there haven't been too many, just little me sitting here with my microphone. So I wanted to come on and first thank everybody that has so far downloaded, that has listened to, that has helped spread the word about what we're or what I'm, I say we, but what I and all of the wonderful people that have come on and shared their time, their story and their energy, what we're trying to build here and create as a space and opportunity to have these conversations. So first of all, thank you, thank you, thank you. And I'm really glad that you're here and I'm really thankful that there are people that download week after week, you know, when you get this idea to start something, it's really easy to think that no one's going to want to listen to it or, or whatnot. But there are people out there that are downloading that are commenting that are sharing, and that just really means the world to me. So that is the first main big point this week.

And then the second is that we are, I think that there have been a really great blend of people that have come on. And throughout these conversations, it's come up in the last couple episodes about doing these sort of round table discussions. And I don't want to say this, the format of this podcast is only me and one other person or just me. So really as these ideas come out, you may see an episode from time to time that's like a couple of people together and there'll be some sort of common theme that goes there and a way for people to talk about a specific thing like, I don't know, twin moms or people that are working in a certain field or that have a certain background or whatever. Because I think too, part of building a community is not just necessarily me in a vacuum or me and another person in a vacuum, it's, you know, if people have the same experiences and they can say, oh, me too, me too, me too, in a room where we all in our own life, in a room, and by in a room, I mean in a virtual room, because let's face it, the world is on Zoom now because of COVID and life and busy and parenting. But anyways, it's just, I just think it would be a really cool way to have people come together that you think they're all on the same page and maybe there's still that silo effect that's happening. So those will be coming up. They're not gonna be as often because it's really, you know, trying to get one person to find a time that matches is its own thing, but also trying to get a couple of people together. So they won't be, but I just wanted to let you know about a format that you may not be used to.

And then the other thing too is that I think that there's really a great option to have discussions that I don't, I really try and shy away from the idea of like bringing an expert on because I think that we get expert-ed out in life. Like I think if you open your computer or you open social media, there's like an expert that flashes in your face. And that word is a tricky one, I think, because people can declare the people do declare themselves an expert at this, this and this. And there are people out there that have expertise in things. But I always find it's a little tricky when we get into the expert the self -anointed expert. And so I don't want to do that. I don't want this to be a space where there's some great stories that are told and there's some great community that is built and then all of a sudden you're getting an expert person who's going to come on and solve all the problems of the world and yada yada. But if I do find that one through line for everybody that just like chops it all down and makes everything easy. You bet I will have them on here so quick, but I don't think they're not gonna be knocking on my door anytime soon. So I wanna make sure that the focus here is on the stories that people share, the community and the coming together.

And that brings the other kind of big news that I have. So much of the beginning of this has been getting the podcast up and running. And I have wanted to do this for a very long time and found some great people to start and launch this with and things like that. And went really quickly in the beginning in the first two months went really quickly with being able to have a bunch of guests on and episodes batched and things like that. All of the productivity stuff, right? All of those tips and tricks that you get.

And then in all honesty, kind of the bottom fell out when it came to my own personal life for a little bit. My father passed unexpectedly, very unexpectedly, at the beginning of December. That is a story for probably another time, but he passed away. And the podcast kind of went into, thankfully, thankfully, I had all these episodes that were recorded. But we went into a little bit of a hibernation when it came to having new material out and just sort of let everything rest for a little bit. And for the last couple of weeks, it's been about working everything out and getting back up to speed and having these conversations again, because I think too, like having the community piece is really important and it's really easy to sort of talk about that as an idea, but I really had a firsthand reminder over the last six, eight weeks of the importance of community and really the most glaring representation of the fact that you don't have to have a huge community.

Like I'm not the prom queen and I don't have, you know, 10 ,000 people following my every move or a hundred thousand people following my every move on social media. But the people that I do have in my life, the friends that I've had for a very long time are the people that really showed up and the people that I was able to have these conversations with and be in that space with when all of the events of the last couple of weeks were unfolding. So that for me just reinforces the idea that it's really, really, really important to have a community. And if that looks like a small community of people, if that's a few people, if that's one great friend, then you have what you need to fill that space for yourself.

And so fortunately, I had a great group of people that showed up for me, that showed up for my kids, that offered to help. And I will wholeheartedly admit that I am terrible at asking for help, but that it was really incredible to know that there are people out there that when stuff gets real ugly, that people will be there. And those are the people that I have also shared parts of my life with over the years in terms of stories and backstory and things like that. And I think that has been a big piece of wanting to put a podcast like this out there and wanting to tell stories and wanting people to not feel like they feel alone and people not feeling like they have to endure and go through these hard experiences of parenthood. And you could have the most idyllic situation in the world, but that isn't going to mean that parenting isn't hard because it isn't all the time. And some days may be hard and some weeks may be hard and some years may be hard, but that everyone is going through their stuff. And so when you have this community and when you have people that you are like peering over the silo wall, as I like to commonly refer to that you have somebody who's staring back at you and someone who says, you know, hey, this is really raw and I would love to help you or I see what you're going through or do you wanna talk? Do you wanna get together? Things like that. So it really was a reminder of why I wanted to do something like this because...

in very, very, very full transparency. I do not have a big community of people. And that is something that I think people will. If you start a podcast talking about building community, people may think that that's your comfort zone, and it isn't always. It doesn't have to be, but knowing the importance of it does not take away from the fact that knowing how important it is reinforces the push through of setting up your microphone. Right now, I am currently talking to the wall in my office. So talking about things like loss and trauma and experiences that are less than ideal and all of that. I know that there's somebody else out there that is going through the same thing. I don't necessarily know them. And unfortunately, in this situation, I also have a friend that her, one of her parents passed unexpectedly as well around the same time. So that's a weird coincidence that I would wish on nobody. But being able to have my own perspective and then say, you know what, I totally want to make sure that I show up for that person and that I am doing not necessarily what I think I would want, but what I can do to help them in their time. So that's going to look differently for everybody. But very circular conversation with myself and my office wall today about the importance of creating these spaces because you don't necessarily always know when people are going to want to be in these spaces, right? Like I had somebody on here who is a pediatric sleep expert. If your kid sleeps through the night, and that may not be something that pertains to you, but having somebody on who talks about secondary infertility and that is the episode that you tune in for, and that can open a whole different wheelhouse of resources and people to reach out to and people to work with and things like that. So that is that idea of building community in the social media and marketing world, they call it their backlinks.

So if one episode links, if one thing links back to you or you write something and it links back to somebody else, that's how you sort of make the web stronger that connects all of these pieces together. So I'm full into this backlink phenomenon because I think that that is what is going to create this strength and community that we need. Although it's gonna come on the internet, like it's gonna come from the internet where people are disconnected but they're super connected. I think having that stretch between conversations face to face and conversations that you get to listen to, like when I'm talking to another parent or when we have a group of people on here, maybe that is the way where something really resonates hard.

And that's where you can start to reach out and maybe build your own community because parenthood, you can have a million friends and it's still very lonely. It's still lonely at two o 'clock in the morning when your kid is screaming. It is lonely when you've got a kid who is totally freaking out about going to middle school when you've got a kid that is just having a hard time with something, something. It can feel like you're the only person in the world that this is happening to. So having a space where we can say, no, no, there are other people out here who are feeling the same and this is what has been the most helpful for them. So this week was really a thank you and a reminder about this community piece. And then coming up, I think that there's going to be a whole host of people. I also happen to have some pretty hilarious friends. We may get into the the bleeping season of the and both podcast, but I will definitely make sure that there's a disclaimer at the beginning of the episode. I will try my best to make sure that there is a disclaimer so that there's not a full volume stereo situation that you have to work around. And then the other piece too is I also now having had a dozen or so of these come through would really love to hear from people that are following along that listen, that download and all of that to what you want to know about or what you want to hear more of, who you want to hear more from. Like does pediatric sleep really resonate? Does hearing from therapists that work in mental health, does that really resonate? Does whatever it is, if there's a, you know, I am an expert and this is my current thing, do you know somebody who is going through this and they would be able to relate? That's what I want to do. That's what I want to do in all of this is for someone to be able to turn it on, not turn it on, like it's like the old transistor radio, but like somebody to go and get, log on to the page, go onto the dovetailedesigns .co. slash podcast page and see a list of the episodes and say, you know what? This is what I want to hear. So in a way that meets the needs of as many people as possible. That's all I have for this week. It is very, very short, but we are going to be back next week with another interview.

There'll be a couple interviews and then you're probably going to hear from me again. It may just be another thank you episode because I am just so darn thankful that this launched when it did for me in that period of my life, pre -parent, no more, to have something to connect to and have something to come back to and to have something to talk about. I will probably have somebody on here at some point in time who also has that same situation because there's a lot of tricky pieces to that, to being a parent and losing a parent. And I am in no way, shape or form an expert in that. And I hope there's no experts in that. I guess you can only be an expert when you lose your parents, but we'll have people on that can talk about these things. And I'm happy to talk about it when it comes in conversation and who knows down the road when some time has passed and things have settled for me emotionally and cognitively, I guess, around it, then probably talk a little bit more about it. Or if it comes up, then it is what it is. But until then, I will see you next week, or you will hear me next week, and we are gonna be back with a whole bunch of great new interviews, people, like I said, please feel free to reach out to email or DM and tell me what you're looking for and who you want to hear from. Doesn't matter how niche or how general it is, just any ideas because like I said, community has to community has to be at the forefront and we can do that by finding people that you can relate to. So thank you again for listening. Thank you for subscribing and I will, I'll be back next week.