Full Episode Transcript

Dr. Ashley Blackington (00:01.142)

Hello and welcome back to the AND/BOTH podcast. Today I am here with the lovely and wonderful, we've met previously, Elizabeth Emerick. She is from Experience Motherhood. And so I am so excited to have you here today to talk about motherhood because that's in your wheelhouse as well in life and in business. So welcome to the show.

Elisabeth Emmerich (00:23.195)

Yeah, thank you so much. I'm very excited to be on your podcast since we have met previously on mine. So this is very fun.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (00:30.19)

Mm-hmm. I love it. So how about we start off with telling people about you and about the work that you do with Experience Motherhood.

Elisabeth Emmerich (00:40.303)

Yeah. So as you said, my name is Elizabeth. I am a licensed therapist here in the state of Minnesota. I have a private practice with that and then I also have a business called Experience Motherhood. I am a mom of three boys, so I have experience not only professionally as a therapist, but also as a mom myself. And one of the things I love about moms in particular and what kind of spurred Experience Motherhood to existence is the fact that so many women have these unique stories. Oftentimes, we just feel like we have to be like everybody else. We're always looking to have our house a certain way, parent a certain way, raise our kids a certain way. Really, if we started to look back at ourselves, we can find such joy and uniqueness in our own value system and stories. That's where Experience Motherhood was born.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (01:38.794)

I love it. I love that idea of taking the mom who is getting all of this input from everything around you, being like, do this and it should look like this and should, should. My least favorite word, by the way, I hate that word. But taking all of that and instead of adding to the pile, you're creating this soft landing to be like, okay, why don't you just rest here for a minute and let's start to pick apart what works and what doesn't work and what is, more importantly than anything, what is applicable and what is not applicable to you.

Elisabeth Emmerich (01:53.896)

Yeah, and it's different for every single person. And that's what's so beautiful about it. And that goes outside of motherhood too. That's humanity, that's individual. But for me, I think I see a lot of women in my therapy practice and in my own just circle of friendships and in my own story, where it's so easily, I just didn't see who I was and things change so much when you become a mom that it's really challenging at times to kind of figure out like who am I now that I'm a mom?

Dr. Ashley Blackington (02:50.606)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it's not something that you can say. Like, you know, it's people try and warn you. And before you have kids, like you will heed no warnings whatsoever. Because you're like, no, I will be the one to do it differently. And then, you know, you say that and the people that have the kids, they laugh because they're like, oh, ha ha. That was me, too. And I think that it's important to say, no, it doesn't have to all be the same. But it has to be it has to be tailored specifically to you. So tell everybody about kind of, I guess the work that you do with moms, with Experienced Motherhood.

Elisabeth Emmerich (03:29.875)

Yeah, so I do have a podcast as well. It's called Experience Motherhood Podcast. And really that platform is an opportunity for me to connect with other women, particularly moms, and hear their stories and highlight the challenges, the joys of motherhood and just that uniqueness. And I think what's so fascinating to me and probably why I enjoy it so much is because I love hearing just that unique perspective and that maybe there were challenges in different seasons of motherhood, but this mom is still moving forward and there's not like an end point. And I think that's really important to note. It's not like you like come to, you know, figure out motherhood and have it all put together. It's like, no, it's constantly changing and evolving. And I've seen such a shift in women, in moms in particular, really doing this, like wanting growth, wanting to figure out how can they be the best versions of themselves. So the podcast really highlights different stories. I also have on different guests to help us on this motherhood journey because for sure we can learn so much from others' expertise and experience. So there's the podcast and then I do some virtual coaching here and there, but my real bread and butter at the moment, besides the podcast, is my course that is launching again in early January. And that really focuses on helping moms figure out who they are. It's called Experience Identity. So kind of everything I'm talking about encapsulated in this course, coming from a decade of being a therapist, a decade of being a mom, and putting together in this course the steps that you can take to figure out, like, who are you now in motherhood?

Dr. Ashley Blackington (05:22.326)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's awesome. And so people that join the course, I guess that's probably the... So the people that join the course, are there common themes that you've noticed about people? Like how old their kids are or where their background is or what? Is it sort of like a trend? Is there a trend there?

Elisabeth Emmerich (05:30.935)

Yes. That's a great question. Overall, the trend of what I've put in the course, let me start there and then I'll answer more specifically your question. So in therapy, I often see very similar patterns happen when women come, particularly moms, of struggling with figuring out, I'm hearing all of these voices telling me what to do. I feel like I'm failing in motherhood, have a lot of self-doubt. Maybe there's a real lack of boundaries feeling then guilty about like not doing something in their motherhood journey because they just need some boundaries, but they don't know how to do that. Or even having that community. I think there's a vast loneliness women experience, particularly during COVID and even after COVID. There was just this loss of community. So I saw a lot of patterns working with women in that manner. And so that's where the topics come in the course. And then for the moms who have taken the course they do have a range of like ages and different seasons of motherhood, but I think what's really cool is like, yes, you could take the course at any stage in motherhood and find a lot of benefit from it and learn the tools, you know, from me as a therapist to take with you.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (07:05.09)

Mm-hmm.

Elisabeth Emmerich (07:13.995)

But also, I think early on in motherhood, it would be almost the most important, which ironically, you know, early moms as we know, both being moms that we have no time. And that's a very common, I guess, objective that I often hear from moms who really wanna take the course, but they're like, I have no time. I have a newborn, I have a toddler, I have multiple, you know, jobs, businesses, whatever it is. So the time factor is really hard, but that's exactly the mom this course is for, ironically. And so I've made it really for that mom who is in the throes of just transition to motherhood and they're like, I didn't expect this. I didn't know what motherhood was going to be like this. This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be this way. All of these expectations were broken and the course can be done totally audio only. You can certainly sit and watch my slides with the audio if you'd like. And then there's a workbook that goes with it because I don't want you to just listen and then move on to the next topic. I really want it to sink in and transform you in that motherhood experience.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (08:19.338)

I like that. I like that idea too, or the, um, the like saying out loud piece of the people who often will derive the most benefit from this are the people who have yet to come to that awareness level of like, Oh, this is it. And I think too, like I was just saying this at another, um, on another episode with another mom, it's like, there is such a similar trajectory in motherhood no matter where you are along the continuum is that there's this like experience and expectation you know, when you're pregnant and you've, whether you read the books or you don't read any books or whatever, but this like idea of like, I know exactly what this is gonna be like and I am in the driver's seat, I am the mom, I can do this, yada yada. And then you have a baby and like someone hands you this like tiny very vulnerable human and you're like, no idea. All of that I thought that I had, that's all gone. And that cracks open that opportunity for all that should and all of that advice and all of that. I think that too, some of it is very well-meaning, but some of it is also in service of that next generation, the generation before being like, well, this is what I did, so this is what elephant walked this along, but what happens is previous generations, it's different, right? Every generation is different, but that you carve out time from yourself and you carve out care from yourself in order to have more and in order to do more and in order to like be more and show up more. And that what I am noticing in my own experience so far with this podcast is...

It's that realization of like, I cannot continue to sustain myself in this way, because I am actually carving out pieces of me. I'm carving out time for me. I'm carving out all of this stuff to bestow upon everybody else. I need to take care of me. And I need to acknowledge me in the equation and in the process. And so that like nail on the head, it's that like preventative healthcare versus reactive healthcare situation.

Elisabeth Emmerich (10:46.995)

Yeah, and expectations are such a difficult thing for women and for everyone. But I know for even me thinking back, you know, I was a therapist before I became a mom, not by a lot, but by a couple of years. And I worked a lot with parents. I'm a registered play therapist. And so I have worked a lot with kids and parents kind of my whole therapy career. And I remember feeling like I knew so much to tell these parents to help them. And, you know, it wasn't advice, but really helping them learn some parenting techniques that could really help them in their own parenting journey. And then I became a mom for the first time. And it really just blew my expectations out of the water. I had, you know, I think a lot of people can relate to this. It's like you, you know, I did read a lot of those books. I am very type A. So I was like, I'm going to learn it all. Like, I'm going to.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (11:17.59)

Mm-hmm.

Elisabeth Emmerich (11:44.423)

I'll just rock this motherhood thing. Everyone says it's so hard. I got this. Like I have all this experience and you know, I felt very, you know, I went in it maybe a little cocky and thinking that I was going to rock this. And although I brought a lot of wonderful things with me into motherhood, it just didn't work out that way in a lot of different regards. And it still doesn't. And I think me learning like, you know, I don't.

Everyone doesn't know what it is until you've experienced it. And yet at the same time, no one's ever going to know what your journey is like. And that's both really scary, but also I want it to feel empowering too. Because I think that we might think that we know how to handle a different situation. And then we go into motherhood and it doesn't work out that way. And so then we're looking to everyone else like, oh my gosh, like, should I do that kind of parenting style? Should I do this one? Should I feed my kids pure race? Should I do baby led weenie? Like all of these, like you're unsure. It's like you don't trust yourself anymore where there really is a balance. It's like, you can learn all that information, but also you have to be able to just trust your mama intuition and that you're going to make mistakes. And that is part of the journey. And so I know for me, that was something that was hard for me to learn was that I couldn't just parent and be the mom that all the books told me how to be. I had to figure out my own way and my kids are all very different children and I had to figure that out and nobody could tell me that. It's my own experience of motherhood that helps me learn that.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (13:18.412)

Yeah, I think too, having multiple kids where you realize that like maybe the stuff that applied in column A does not apply in column B. Like, I mean, there are a million meme videos online about like oldest kid, middle kid, youngest kid, no matter how many kids you have, all of that. But like, you can't understand that the tools that you use for one are not going to work for subsequent children or even if you have multiple children that are the same age, everyone is different. And so what you're bringing into this has to be, is gonna look different on a day-to-day basis.

Elisabeth Emmerich (14:08.915)

Yeah. And even going back to what you were saying before about carving out time for yourself, I think the pressure from society that we have as moms and women to, in a sense, do it all, be that super mom is so debilitating and just crushing us. And for whatever reason, probably for many, that we probably don't even have time to go into, and it's different for everyone. But we just power through that. We're like okay, like, I guess that's just expectation. So I guess that's what I'm doing. And I think carving out that time to figure out like, wait a minute, like, that thing that everyone's telling me I should do as a mom, that doesn't like sit with me. Like, that doesn't that's not matching my belief system or my values, or, you know, how can I figure out like, what we need to do as parents, you know, maybe it is parenting a little differently than know what worked for Johnny down the street or whatever. And I think yeah it's like we just don't even have time to think about our own values and what is important to us because we are so busy, so stressed, so overwhelmed, and we keep saying we have no time.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (15:10.029)

Yeah.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (15:24.47)

Mm-hmm, that's true. Yeah, so when did experience motherhood start? Where were you on your own motherhood journey before experience motherhood came to be?

Elisabeth Emmerich (15:34.659)

Good question. I haven't actually been asked this on a podcast before, so exclusive here. Yeah, so Experience Motherhood is actually a very new business. It's barely a year old. It'll be probably a year old by the time this episode airs. So like I said, I've been a therapist for over a decade, and I've had a private practice for a little bit before COVID, like being truly on my own private practice.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (15:39.524)

Ooh!

Elisabeth Emmerich (16:04.727)

For whatever reason, I just kept seeing these themes coming up as I was working with women in particular that they weren't necessarily matching having postpartum anxiety. They didn't have an actual mental health diagnosis, but they were struggling. I had a lot of mom friends that would just tell me the same things, like it was just so hard. They never had time to do the things they wanted to do. They just weren't thriving in motherhood for a lack of a better term.

So I was seeing all these themes coming up and I was like, okay, like that's interesting. And again, there's definitely a lot of mental health going on in our culture. So I'm not diminishing that at all because that is definitely real. But I also think there's a lot of individuals who don't meet an actual criteria for diagnosis nor is that helpful for them, but they still need some support. And so I thought about introducing coaching. And so that's kind of where it started.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (16:51.394)

Mm-hmm.

Elisabeth Emmerich (17:01.399)

I needed a separate business to protect my own license to do coaching. And so I was like, okay, I will do something like that. And then for whatever reason, last summer, so this would have been 2022, maybe like August-ish, I just, I came across a podcast all about like helping moms figure out like how to step away from their nine to five. And mind it, I wasn't in a nine to five. I have a very flexible, I'm an entrepreneur already in the private practice space but it really resonated with me. And this particular company really just wanted women to be true to themselves and believe in themselves. And I started like binging this, all these episodes about this topic. And I just had this like thought, I'm like, I think I need to start a podcast, like out of nowhere. I don't know where it came from. I just kept feeling it. And so I was like, okay, like I don't know how to do that. I know nothing about it. And so I really started this journey of figuring out how to do that, how to start this other business with coaching and a podcast.

And then eventually a course came to mind too, because I think the beauty of a course is, A, they're much more popular now, so they're very tangible. They're easy to get ahold of, like you can find them anywhere. But I can serve so many more women than I can in a one-to-one capacity. I love working one-to-one with women. I don't think I'll ever give that up, but I only have so much time in the day and I have my own boundaries with my own family value system and beliefs. I think there came up to be a point where I was like, I could serve so many more women in a core setting. And then if they need some additional more specific support, then we can do virtual coaching or I can help them find a therapist in their state or you know there's other ways. It's like a good stepping stone in my opinion to kind of just start pondering a lot of these things and learning some of these therapeutic tools without necessarily needing to also give up their time because it's self-paced so you can do it whenever you do have pockets of time rather than go and have to give up that time which is so precious for moms in particular. So out of all that, it's come together. And my favorite things for sure are podcasting. I love hearing other women's stories and just sharing that. And then the course has been such a fun, crazy endeavor and very hard to put together because I'm not a get born marketer, but I really see such value in it. And I know it's transformative because they've seen it work with my therapy clients over the last decade.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (19:48.186)

Yeah, what I think what I really love about what you're doing is the idea of not starting. I mean, I guess it doesn't it may it may fly in the face of like what people are expecting is I think that a lot of times when it comes to especially motherhood is that we are so the optimal situation is so ingrained in us, you know, in terms of like or so internalized like this is what everything should look like. This is this, you know, and that creates these silos of expectation that we stick ourselves in. And then you layer on social media on top of it and social media tells you what you should be doing. And so that I feel like in, where the goal I guess ultimately would be to develop community, it actually does the opposite of that. It actually creates this expectation that you only put your matching pajamas on the internet. You only put your holiday joy and all of that stuff on there. And so what I really love about the way that you're doing this is that none of it, it doesn't start that way. It doesn't start with the intensive therapy piece. It doesn't start with the like, you need help. It doesn't start with that. It starts from a platform of common experience. And it's a really accessible and tangible way for somebody who may have that, I guess, that twinkling feeling of like, this is not all that I read about and what to expect when you're expecting or whatever book it is. But that having somebody who may be feeling like a little bit or a lot, like this is not how I envision this all, and this seems to be quite opposite of that. So that person can find your podcast, they can listen to any number of stories and be able to connect with people or hear from you, and that will help break down these pieces. I mean, that's what I envision, is that it helps break down these pieces because once you find one person to connect with that is having those experiences that person probably hopefully has another person to connect with. And then that's how you truly develop community. I mean, therapist to therapist here. So it's like, that's how you really develop the community that we all really want, but no one, you know, nobody wants to raise their hand first in the room and be like, yeah, this kind of sucks in spite of all the things that I expected it to be. So I think that that, that's amazing to just, to just throw the community piece out first, or like, it's like throw the landing pad out and be like, people over here are talking about stuff that you may be feeling too and like come if you want, but it's still going to be here. Party's over here.

Elisabeth Emmerich (22:43.623)

Yeah, yeah, it sure is. And I think too, I mean, what's so fun about the course too, is that, you know, and I maybe other courses do this too. But I wanted it to really build back on that community. And that point, like you said, of that you're not alone in it, even though your story is unique, and no one has a story like yours. We all have similarities. And so when you join the course, you get to be you know, I know everyone's like, oh, Facebook groups and like, I get that.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (22:45.917)

Yeah

Elisabeth Emmerich (23:11.979)

But it is also the easiest way to connect because we all know how to use Facebook. But the idea is that there's a private Facebook group and you can meet and connect with other women who are like, you know what? I don't even know who I am anymore when I became a mom. I don't know how to have fun anymore. I don't work out anymore. I don't have alone time. What do I do? And have that space to really connect with other women as well as myself in the group and answering those questions of like, yeah, how do I, you know, for example, like I know a lot of women, even if they won't admit it, but if they really were looking at how they're feeling, like when you're looking at feelings of overwhelm, let's say, which I know we've all experienced, I experience it as well often. But oftentimes, yeah, daily, actually all the time. Yeah. But when you're feeling overwhelmed, if you take a step back and actually really think about what are you thinking about when you're feeling overwhelmed? More often than not, it's usually a thought of like, oh, I didn't do that well. I must be a bad mom, or I'm failing, or that person's better than me. I'm not lovable. I'm not worthy. I mean, there's so many unpleasant thoughts that are usually tied to those unpleasant feelings.

And so through the course learning how to identify those thoughts and change them, will change how you experience your own motherhood journey. And that's just one aspect of it. But I think so often we feel so isolated and alone. And we look to social media for wonderful things. Like social media can bring about so many great things, but they also can bring out so many negative things as well. Especially when we're looking and seeing those beautiful Christmas cookies that one mom is making. And then you look at yours and you're like, oh gosh, like this is overwhelming. Like my cookies. Yes, like, oh, like my frosted sugar cookies never turned out good.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (25:05.259)

Pinterest fail.

Elisabeth Emmerich (25:30.127)

I don't know what people's secrets are. But, but it's so easy to just feel not good enough and think that as well. And you get very overwhelmed and stressed, especially in like a holiday season, right? Like it can just feel like everyone's going to all these things and you have to do all this stuff and have all these gifts and there's just so much pressure when it's like, well, who am I doing these things for? Like, am I doing it to show off to everyone else or do I actually value it? And if you value it, fine, that's different. But most of the time, I think we aren't in alignment with what we actually believe in value. And so then it can feel very overwhelming. And that's where the course can be just a great stepping stone to help you get back to center, get back to you, and then connect with other women to know that you're not alone in it, and you don't have to be alone in it. And so I think that's, the community piece is really such an important part of it, but it is really scary, I know firsthand, to like admit that you are struggling with that when it looks on the outside that you're not.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (26:17.77)

Yeah, yeah, I think too. I always think it's funny that people say, oh, Facebook groups, I don't like Facebook groups. They're like, what are you doing at nine o'clock? You're on Facebook or Instagram. You're there, right? So it's like, I don't wanna have anything to do with that. Okay, I'll meet you at nine.

Elisabeth Emmerich (26:25.723)

Yes, exactly. You're on something. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Right. I mean, it's hard. It's like there's, you know, other programs for sure that you could like do things like that, like a Slack group. But hey, that's another app. I don't know how to use Slack. So it's like, oh, might as well use what we have. And then the hope would be that maybe you do connect with somebody locally in that group and then you don't have to even do that anymore. You could go actually meet them in person or on Zoom or another avenue.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (26:58.962)

Yeah, yeah. And having the experience of like, building, taking a look at what's important to you on the inside versus what everyone's telling that you should be doing and is how we're going to move forward in a different direction. I mean, if you look at like, right, like generations of parenting, our parents' generation, I feel like they really followed the line, right? Like they,

peace, love, and happiness, like little island in that. It really was like, this is how I was raised and this is what was done when I was a kid, so this is what I'm gonna do. And I feel like our generation of parents, and not just mothers, because I wanna like give lots of credit where credit's due, I feel like our generation of parents are the ones who are really like digging heels in and saying, you know what, if we know better and we know, well, if we know better, yeah, let's acknowledge. If we know better, let's do better. And if we know that there's a different way and we want this to look a different way, then let's do that so that the generation that we are raising moves forward in a different direction. And I think like us as a group and as a generation saying, we need more community groups. We don't have, you know, everyone grows up on the same street and lives there forever and then they buy the house next door because like no one's buying a house now.

Elisabeth Emmerich (28:27.536)

Also true.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (28:28.874)

Yeah, crazy. But I think because we are such a global community now, that leaning into those pieces where you're not necessarily able to go to your neighbor's house and hang out in the kitchen like maybe you did when you were a kid at your grandparents' house or whatever, it's just going to look different for us to find community. It's going to look different for moms to find community. But it's also incredible.

I work with people in my own job that are all over the country. I work with people that live in different countries. And it's just like, I wouldn't have had the opportunities to do that. And so bringing that from a work perspective into a parent perspective, connecting with people all over the country, if you look at that and think, okay, so this issue and these are not just happening in my neighborhood, they're happening in California. Like that's a whole exponential level of like, holy crap, like we're really, we're really doing something differently here and we really have the opportunity to make significant positive change on a much bigger scale just by virtue of the fact that we are much more connected.

Elisabeth Emmerich (29:48.199)

Yeah. And I think it's more important to point out to you as moms, we often are very self-sacrificing, which is a very beautiful thing, but it can also be really detrimental to us as well, of course. And what I mean is really like, when you are working on you as the mom, as the parent, and you are figuring out what you value and what's important to you, having those boundaries, changing those unhelpful thoughts, all of that, when you are doing that work, guess what? Your kids are gonna benefit immensely from that because they are gonna see the change in you and that you value yourself. And so often I see moms were telling our children because we love them, let's speak kind words or let's talk about how much you're valued and worth, which is wonderful things, but then two seconds later, we're in our own head being like, oh, I'm such a crappy mom, or like, what is wrong with me? I screamed at my kids again, I'm the worst. We just easily go back into that. And my encouragement and invitation to your listeners is to really take five minutes and just even reflect on, okay, is that pitting where I'm at in my journey? Am I doing those things that I want so much wonderful things for my own children and my own family, but yet I'm putting myself at the bottom because that's not going to, that won't change your actual family.

So it's like both, and like I think sacrificing and giving of yourself as a mom is wonderful, but you also can't be doing that 24 seven. You have to be taking care of your mind and your mental and emotional health and your physical health. I mean, you have to take care of the whole being and that your own values and your own passions and your own hobbies. Like it's okay to tell your kids, no, I can't play with you right now. I want to finish this chapter in my book first, or whatever hobby it is. That is okay to say. And I think it's good for our kids to see that too, that you're prioritizing yourself because that's what we're telling them to do. Stand up for them. Have a voice.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (31:54.582)

Yeah. And you're getting into that community piece too of like, you've got to, because that is such a long standing thing, right? Like we're all raised by the generation of like, you can have it all, but in order to have it all, you have to do it all. And we're realizing like, I think our generation is realizing that in order to do it all, that's not possible. And also accelerated reality of the pandemic is like, oh no, you were really doing more than you thought you were doing. And you like, maybe the lens through which we were looking at things was very, very cloudy. But when the other shoe drops and there's like a whole thing circling the globe, we realize where things are really standing. And so I think this is also a unique opportunity in history for us to say, okay, this is where we thought we were going. This is where we actually were. And now we need to move forward in a way that's gonna work better and that's going to be more sustainable and that's gonna be more realistic. And we're gonna do that by creating community, taking care of ourselves, doing all of these pieces that we have traditionally neglected in service of like good motherhood.

Elisabeth Emmerich (33:19.843)

Yeah, and your all is going to be different than my all. And I think that's important too to note. It's like, you can, your all might look this one particular way and my all, and that really is just, you know, what I value for my own family, might be totally different. And that is okay. We're not in competition with each other. And I think that's a lot of times where we fall. It's like, we're in this invisible thing where we're just competing against other moms like I'm a better mom. No, I'm a better mom. It's just like what? No, like we can all be really good moms. Every single one of us doing it different and still be a good mom.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (33:58.462)

Yeah, and what does that even mean? Anyways, like, what does it mean to be a good mom? How about like, let's start there. Like, what does it even mean? Because what I might consider being a good mom is gonna be potentially very different from what you consider. And that's gonna be informed on previous experience, and that's gonna be informed on where your focus is and where the person next to you's focus is. So like, if we just keep sort of reaching for this moving goalposts of good motherhood, no one's ever gonna hit it.

No one's going to ever find the end zone because it just keeps moving along. It's like the good motherhood is the carrot for us as like the, you know, the horses of the family. Like we are just going on to the next thing, like in search of, but like who's holding the carrot? That's I've got theories, lots of them, but who was holding this carrot?

Elisabeth Emmerich (34:44.323)

That's a great question. Yep, same. But yeah, I think you're right on. Yeah, you're right. I mean, it's the same thing. And I mean, time and time again, I mean, I'm going to sound like a broken record on this episode. You know, it just comes back down to you have your own experience in motherhood. You have your own story. You have your own history. You have your own present and you have your own future. And that is awesome. That is beautiful. There's no need to change it.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (35:11.425)

Yeah.

Elisabeth Emmerich (35:12.095)

And the only thing you would really ever change is if it's not feeling like it's your unique experience in motherhood and that you're not being in alignment with those values and priorities in your life, then there's some change that could happen. And that might change how you feel in motherhood. That might change your own experience.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (35:32.434)

Yeah. And so for you specifically, since we've talked about the bigger, broader picture, so for you, what does that look like? What does taking care of you look like and how does that impact your own specific situation?

Elisabeth Emmerich (35:38.065)

Yeah. That's a great question. So that's a big question, because I could go down many different paths with how I take care of myself. And what I, here's my rabbit hole. You know, what's so cool about even thinking of that question even on my own journey, and I hope that the listeners can even like go on their own thought process as you're listening to mine, because it'll be different.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (35:52.109)

Mm-hmm. Your own rabbit hole to pursue.

Elisabeth Emmerich (36:18.115)

But as I even started Experience Motherhood, it has been ebbs and flows of feeling aligned with my own values and being like, Whoa, like that is not what I want it to be. That's not what I want my own motherhood experience to be. So like, for an example, building a course takes a lot of work building a business, you know, takes a lot of work, especially in the early days, there's just a lot that has to go into it. I am working and have worked more than I would like and that is not in alignment with my own value system and what I want my family to look like. Like it's not hitting that. And so I'm already aware of that, but I know that I have a boundary of, you know what? This isn't gonna go on like this. At some point, I'm gonna have to say, okay, like it's built to where it's built and that's where it can be. And it can be a slow, a slow build. And that's okay. I'm not in it to just jump off a ship and like have it be a very successful company in a year. Like that's okay. I know it takes time. And so I'm again, I'm reframing my thoughts around that because it is really hard to not look at other entrepreneurs that I know that have started businesses around the same time. And maybe they're farther ahead than I am. Maybe they're behind where I am already.

And it's really hard not to compare my own journey and even that to them. So reframing my mind of like, you know what? No, like, this is my journey and that affects my kids too. And so, you know, making sure that they know they, they didn't know what a podcast really was before I started hosting one. Right. Like my husband, like still listen to a lot of podcasts. So they like kind of knew, but they had no idea like really what it was. And so even inviting them into that, like, Hey, here's why I want to start a podcast. Like I can help more moms. And that's so important to me. That's a value for me as a human being and that's really important. And so I'm gonna do it. And so my kids have watched me build this business. Do I like that I have been working as hard as I have and not being able to engage in them? Not as much, but I also know it's a short season. And so for me to kind of come back to your question, I think it changes and every season is different. Some seasons are gonna be really hard. Like early on with my first born, that was insanely hard. He didn't breastfeed well. It was horrible. It was excruciating pain. It was just a horrible experience, to be quite frank. That was really hard, but then it kind of got a little bit better. And then my next kid, the next kid, you know, like it's just, it's going to change.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (38:47.694)

Mm-hmm.

Elisabeth Emmerich (39:04.495)

And I think that's the important thing too. It's like, it's not like you come back and figure out like, okay, here's my list of values and beliefs and that's it. We're going to have them laminated, they're never going to change. No, it is a constant coming back to asking yourself again, like, hey, is this sitting right with me in my motherhood experience? Is this sitting right with me in business? Is this sitting right with me in relationships? Whatever it is, and knowing it's okay if it needs to change again. I think values and belief systems do change over time too, but you just kind of have to reassess, and that's something that I am currently still on this journey, just like any other listener.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (39:37.314)

Yeah, yeah, I like the I like that you point out that it's going to look different, not necessarily among, like from one person to the next, but even in that person as an individual, it's going to look different along their trajectory. So like when you have, I think a lot of times that's what happens is like when people have really, really little babies, and they're like, they're you're in that like, washing machine feeling of identity swirl and like, you're exhausted and everything's upside down, especially like first kid, you look to people as like, I guess like a guidepost or a lighthouse or whatever. But oftentimes the people that you look to are way farther along on their journey. And I think that's where it starts. Because if you look to somebody who has a three year old and you have a three week old, and you're like, that person has a three year old and they, so they have a kid and I have a kid, but it's not the same and that person has time to exercise, and this person does this, and this person has this, and this, and this, then I need to be doing that in order to be where they are. But what we really need is more people that also have a three week old who are going, here's what my life actually looks like right now, because that's like, you need to find someone who is in the same lane as you at the same time versus looking at the person who's way down the road, because that person is always gonna have their stuff figured out.

That person is always going to be the next iteration, but you're sacrificing your present in hopes of getting to the future space and thinking that's when you will have it achieved. That person was probably upside down and sideways too when they had a three-week old, but they're not putting that out there, or they're not there in that present time for you to be able to see and say, okay, this is also what's happening.

Elisabeth Emmerich (41:31.923)

Yeah, it kind of reminds me of what we were saying before of expectations. And it's not that we're saying not to ever have expectations. Like, yes, you should have some, but you want them to be realistic ones. And like, that's such a great example. And actually, I'll even give you a personal example. You know, early on, I would say up until like, oh, I don't know, a year ago when I had my youngest would have been like three, he's four now he's almost five. But I was really seeing a lot of women being able to have alone time in the morning before their kids would go off to school. And I was just like, what the heck? That would be cool to have alone time. I don't want to wake up early, but I would like the alone time. But I can't do that. My kids are still coming into my bed every night. I'm exhausted. I want to sleep. But yet I was seeing that. And I knew it was something I desired to have at some point. I just knew I couldn't do it then. And so for me, in my story, my expectation was that at some point, I would like to do that. I would like to have some carved out space for me to have alone time and to just like wake up and be quiet, not kids in my bed and all of that. And that finally happened for me in the last year. And that's been wonderful, but I can also still very easily remember how difficult that was. And so, for an example, if that's something where your listeners are like, I want that. I want to work out every day. That sounds so incredible. I can't wait for that. That's okay to have that expectation, that desire to want that. But then it's also being in reality of like, okay, well, I don't really have like an hour that I can go just work out without being interrupted, but I do have five minutes. I could probably do five minutes and that's just where I'm at in my season. So you can have those expectations and look to others and be, you know, driven to want to change and have that, but also have to be in reality and that it's okay that you're not there yet. Right. It's not, you won't ever get there. It's just yet.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (43:26.404)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (43:43.038)

Yeah, yeah, yet the power of yet. I love that they teach that in elementary school now. It's such a, like, it's such a, one of those things where like, you know, the kids like come home from school and they're like, we learned about yet today and like we talked about yet in my house. And I'm like, I just love when these things come to life and like you start, like that's when you start to feel like, all right, this next generation, like I want.

Elisabeth Emmerich (43:45.707)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (44:11.986)

I want all of that for them because I don't want them to, I want this to be their normal. Like I don't want, the power of yet is like just the most phenomenal thing because it applies to everybody. It applies to moms, it applies to students, it applies to newly married couples. It applies, like any sort of life experience, the power of yet is phenomenal. I've got to do an episode on that, I think. That would be, I love that.

I've interviewed a few therapists now as well. And so I think maybe we should do like a therapy round table where we get everyone together and talk about our like favorite tools to use as therapists or like favorite things that you bring in from your own practice. Because I think that everyone has their own special, you're gonna have to come back for that, definitely.

Elisabeth Emmerich (44:48.155)

Oh man, that would be fun.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (45:12.718)

Yeah, I think it's easy to not draw as many connections between ourselves and other people because of this like island kind of living that we have going on. So the creating a community and building a course to give people the language and the perspective and the acknowledgement to say, this is where I am and this is where I wanna be and this is what works and what doesn't work. And I'm reminding myself what I care about and what I don't care about, where my values are. And the topic of alignment is just, if we could just hand that as a pamphlet to people on the way out of the hospital versus the like sleep when the baby sleeps kind of thing. Ha ha ha.

Elisabeth Emmerich (45:50.779)

Yeah, yeah, which I did not do with my first kid and I should have because I was so sleep deprived but I couldn't. I had to exclusively pump so I had my time was taken already.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (45:56.361)

Yeah, my grandmother had six kids. My grandmother on one side had six and the other one had seven. And on the sixth side, she was like, you have to sleep when the baby sleeps. And I was like, you had six kids. How did that even work? And some of them were like a year apart. And she's like, I nap. Mom's down and out. I'm like, that's also the 50s. Let's discuss. Like, what you can, speaking of community.

Elisabeth Emmerich (46:21.431)

Yeah, I mean, in some ways she just, yeah, she figured out what worked for her. I mean, I think that's, there you go. There's another example. It's like some moms are like, I'm all about taking a nap. And other moms are like, no, that sounds terrible. And that's okay. Just do you, just do you.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (46:37.238)

Right? Oh, yeah, do you. That's the grander lesson in anything that is focused on motherhood and parenting, but specifically motherhood. Like you've gotta do you and you've gotta take care of you because if you take care of you, then you can take care of others. And if you're not, then they're like, start with you if things are off the rails, I think. And I love what you're doing to help moms with that.

Elisabeth Emmerich (47:06.679)

Thank you.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (47:09.322)

Yeah. So tell everybody where they can find you and how moms who are feeling like, wait a minute, this lady just hit the nail on the head, can find your podcast, they can find your course, and if they want to work one-on-one because that's a better option or alternative, and I will put everything in the show notes, but tell everybody.

Elisabeth Emmerich (47:29.043)

Yeah, well, thank you, first of all, for having me. This has been a really delightful conversation. I could clearly talk about it all day long, as your listeners already know at this point. I'm like a broken record. Yes, you can find me over on Instagram, Experience Motherhood is my handle. And then if you are interested in the course, you can look up ExperienceIdentityCourse.com or go to ExperienceMotherhood.com and it's there as well. But I really just invite you to check in with yourself and to, yeah, if there was something that like really just kind of nudged you a little bit, just get curious about that. What was that? What was the nudge? You know, is it something that you're like, oh, I actually am not that happy. I would like to figure out who I am again. Maybe that's, you know, this is your invitation to be a part of something, find that community. Or maybe it's just not yet. And that's okay too. So come hang out on Instagram with me or yeah, virtual coaching is an option as well on the website.

Dr. Ashley Blackington (48:34.454)

Love it, love it. Well, thank you so much. And I am already got my wheels spinning about what this therapy round table is gonna look like. The therapist and motherhood, because I think that could be a really cool space. So you'll have to come back. All right, well, thank you again for, thank you for joining me today.

Elisabeth Emmerich (48:42.885)

Yeah! That'd be so fun. Will do. Thank you.